Confronting the Other Woman: Pain or Panacea?

Should you confront the other woman/man?

I’ve done some research on this very topic. I have around 200 case studies of real people facing infidelity telling their stories of confronting the other person and am in the middle of gleaning words of wisdom.

When I initially began this research I assumed confronting the other person would be a no win situation – that it would merely stir a messy pot that would overflow and the situation would be worse than before.

Now, I’m not so sure. Here’s a case study. Please leave your comment and bookmark, if you think worthy.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I called her the day after I confirmed the affair and confronting my husband (cell phone records). I left her a nice message saying that I was his wife, we had been together 16 years, had 2 young kids, I was a recent cancer survivior and that I would like her to leave us alone. I never got a response from her but my husband said she felt bad about it and they weren’t talking anymore (yeah right!). About a month later I confirmed it was ongoing and called her with my husband in the room. I wasn’t nice and told her to back off or I would let her husband know (he had no idea) and also her job (high ranking gov. attorney). She tried to tell me it wasn’t her fault….my marriage was disinegrating and there was nothing I could do about it….she knew we had two small kids and she thought they were beautiful since she has seen so many pictures!! She was horrible and cruel and didn’t care at all. All I did was add fuel to the fire when I contacted her. When we hung up she sent me a text message saying: Me single is your worst nightmare! Better think twice before you make any calls!!! I didn’t respond.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

The affair continued and only got stronger. I kicked my husband out of the house 2 months after that call. He is still out of the house and it’s been almost 2 years! She lives 5 hours away (always has). He lives close to me and the kids. We are still married with no talk of divorce. The other woman is in the process of a messy divorce. To top it all off she gave birth to a daughter several months ago and DNA proves it belongs my husband. It’s a hard situation but we are trying to make the best of it all. We have not told our children (8 and 10). He has contact with the child and other woman but claims it’s just for the child. They fight all the time and she sends me nasty text messages and hang up calls. She thrives on the drama. I never respond….that is what she wants and I refuse to engage her petty, high school antics. All this from a very high ranking state employed attorney!!!!!!!! Come to find out she suffers from depression/panic/anxiety and is on meds. I’m still charging ahead and hanging in there. I haven’t lost hope.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

Yes, I would do it differently. I would never have contacted her. I wouldn’t have kicked my husband out of the house. I would have held my cards much closer to my chest. I’ve never contacted or talked to her husband and I wouldn’t change that…I feel if I had contacted him in the beginning instead of her they would have been divorced a long time ago. The second he found out he filed…I think he was glad to be rid of her and finally had reason. My husband has confessed to me recently that she had affairs with 3 other men (in a 3 year time span) before she met him and her husband still has no idea!! This was my husbands only affair. I thought we had a great, stable marriage. I honestly think my illness is what set things off. So, I’d advise others to never contact the other person…..you never know what you will get. I just ending up adding fuel to the fire and extending the drama. Exactly what the other woman thrives on!!