Confronting the Other Person: “I Can’t Say No” Type of Affair

Affair number two is “I can’t say ‘No’.” This type of affair often involves someone who has addictive traits. Usually, for someone who is in an “I can’t say ‘No'” affair; the affair relationship may be very tenuous.

The person involved in an “I can’t say ‘No'” type of affair usually, has graduated from, what we might call, lesser levels of addiction; maybe, internet addiction, or pornography; may evolve into prostitution or, perhaps, some kind of affair with someone.

But the focus is not so much on developing a relationship with someone, as it is meeting addictive tendencies. Underneath this, of course, is a lot of shame, and a lot of guilt, if you know anything about addictive personalities. And the risk is, if you confront the other person and your cheating spouse finds out, this may intensify the shame and guilt and it may entrench him or her more strongly in the additive tendencies. That’s a possibility.

Now, the reward here is it may be a reality check for the person who is involved in the “I can’t say no affair.” It may hit them right between the eyes and they’ll say, “What in the world have I been doing?” It may also empower you, if you confront the other person. It may give you a sense of feeling like you’re doing something different. The tendency is for one, who is the spouse of someone who says, “I can’t say no, ” the tendency is to try to care, try to fix them, try to make them better, trying to help them in many ways and that often does not work. So by confronting the other spouse, taking a firm stand, that may help you feel like you’re on a different track and it may have a different impact on your cheating spouse, as well.