Marriage myths:
1. You get married and live happily ever after. Not! The purpose of marriage is not to make you happy. The purpose of marriage is to provide a context in which the best of you unfolds over a long period of time – the rest of your life on this earth. Your partner is the catalyst for the emergence of the best of you – of the you you truly want to become. Now, there is some stress and strain, usually, at times, MUCH stress and strain in this process. The reasons for this will become clearer as we talk about the myths of marriage and the intent of marriage.
2. We must be compatible. What in the world does this mean? Do you have any idea? Does that mean you must think alike, have common hobbies, share similar interests? Does it mean you must share common personality characteristics? Or does that mean that you must “like” your spouse? Some couples who are “compatible” or very much alike become exceedingly bored with each other over time. Compatible sounds good (because most of us want to be “one” with another and get along – which may be a death knell for a marriage, by the way) but you probably don’t have a clue of what it means.
3. Men are from Mars. For most this means that men typically want to crawl into their cave and be left alone. No connection. No talking. Give me my beer, sports program, group of buddies and I’m fine. This is a cover up for men. It becomes a common way for them to emotionally protect themselves. Once you get to know a man, you will discover a part of him that wants to be deeply connected to another. This often emerges when the woman pulls too far away, and then it emerges often, in powerful ways. Many men walk around like an armored tank, but filled with marshmallows. Bottom line: your spouse wants some of the same things you want.
