Marriage myths continued….Click here to read Part 1.
4. Loving someone is natural and should come easily. Behind this is the idea that one should be able to read the mind of another. What most mean by “loving” is having romantic, warm, sexual feelings of attraction. This powerful feeling often happens in the beginning of a relationship. Much of the attraction is physical (we are driven together to mate and procreate.) Some of the attraction is due perhaps to archetypes or images we have of the ideal. (At 14 I dreamt of marrying a brunette. I did when I was 23.) Or it may refer to our need to “merge” and be one with another. Love is a huge word – often inadequate to describe the complexity of what brings us together. And, love is not mind reading. This causes extreme marital stress when one believe s/he is so “special” that the other must be able to anticipate his/her thoughts and desires.
5. Marriage means I will lose my freedom. The jokes about the loss of freedom at the altar. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are one’s “last fling” so to speak. The ball and chain is put on, and will never be removed. Fun and games are over. Now life gets SERIOUS.
6. I have to get married. This may be going out of date, but in my college days, women went to college to get their Mrs. degree and men were to carve out a career with their new found partner. Or, I had to get married because the biological clock was ticking. Anyone single person over the age of 30 was at some level stigmatized. And, of course, there were the shotgun weddings when the couple was pregnant.
