The overwhelming feelings of devastation created by infidelity or a marital crisis often leads one to start chasing or pursuing the spouse. One spouse pursues and the other spouse distances or runs.

The pursuer often believes that the distancer is a key to overcoming the painful feelings and so s/he pursues or tries to wiggle out of him/her whenever possible to alleviate some of the pain, confusion or other negative feelings.

Pursuing often follows the course of pleasing, being whom the pursuer heard the distancer always wanted, being more loving and romantic, using different forms of persuasion and so forth.

And, the pursuer is often unaware of that very process, those very tactics in essence, usually drive the distancer further away.

No marital healing, restoration or resolution can effectively take place if this imbalance is not acknowledged and addressed.

The pursuer and distancer must get to the bottom of the need to pursue and distance.

And, effective communication must take place around this topic.