Is it possible to be able to trust after infidelity?

The following is a summary of a session with a client who is finding it difficult to trust after infidelity. She talks about some of the things she is dealing with in her situation with her husband. Also included are some of the things she is suggested to work on to help her and her husband get through what they are going through.

I’m having difficulty trusting my husband now. I know that he will eventually earn my trust back, but I’m sure it won’t be the same as before. Through this whole experience, I’ve learned to think about my needs and my wants. I’ve started to realize how the relationship has been unfulfilling for me in some ways, and to ask for what I need. I’ve learned to set up boundaries for him and for myself within the marriage. And I’m sure that if I found out that he was having another affair that it would be easier for me to accept it and walk away. I know I am stronger now, that I can rebuild my life without him if I needed to. I’m more aware of myself now and I know who my sources of support are, but I still want to try to work things out with my husband. I’m just having a hard time to trust after infidelity.

For right now, though, I’m interested in working on identifying the barriers that is keeping us from really working on our marriage and breaking these barriers to help us make a true and lasting relationship. I think that both of us are afraid, that on some level, the core of the barriers we are facing is fear. So how do we get past the fear, at least enough to be able to reach out to each other and connect?

Our relationship at the moment is very superficial. We are nice to each other and we’re polite, but we never really talk about the affair or anything important. Our sex life has changed drastically as well, and it feels like whenever he touches me or gets close to me, he only does it to be nice and not because he wants to be intimate at all. It never used to be like this, not even when he was having the affair. Why has everything changed? Why is he pulling away from me? Will I ever be able to have a relationship with him again — to trust after infidelity?

If you find yourself in the same situation as the one above, here are some things you can do to help you move towards building a better relationship, and to make ways for you to be able to trust after infidelity:

1. Try to figure out why you are afraid and what you are afraid of. Identify the part of you that is afraid. Do you think that your fears have something to do with why you are having difficulty with trust after infidelity?

2. Identify the pattern or trigger that keeps you and your partner from being intimate. What happens when you try to be intimate? What goes through your head? What do you think about? What do you do?

3. Try to figure out what specific type of affair your partner had. This will help you develop a better strategy in approaching your partner, and could even give you an idea on how to begin to develop trust after infidelity.

4. One of the most difficult things that you will have to work on is to rebuild trust after infidelity, and communication with your partner is one of the key tools you must develop to achieve that.

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Blog Topic: Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity