I have an amazing Infidelity Support Group on Facebook, in which members join to both heal themselves and help others heal. It’s truly a remarkable group of people.
From time to time I stumble upon a post that really resonates with me. This happened the other day, so I asked my group member for permission to share his post as a public blog. As a huge contributor to the group, he has agreed to allow me to share his invaluable advice. I believe visitors to my blog who are dealing with the pain of infidelity will really benefit from his words of wisdom.
Following is his insightful post:
“My wife has had numerous affairs since 2009. It has been absolute hell for myself and my kids. Our marriage won’t survive all of this.
Here is what I have learned since that time. I wish I could have learned it sooner, but that isn’t how life works:
1. You can’t make someone love you.
2. You can’t force someone to do the right thing.
3. All the ‘hoping’ in the world won’t change another person.
4. At some point ‘hoping’ will keep you stuck. You must take action.
5. People will treat you the way you allow them to.
6. It is normal to fall in and out of love with your spouse.
7. A good marriage requires you to stay connected to your spouse.
8. People change over time and so do our hopes and dreams. We need to embrace that rather than fear it.
9. Secrets kill a relationship.
10. Foster an environment where you can share without fear of judgement.
11. You can never trust someone 100%.
12. Don’t rely on someone to ‘fill you up’ that is your job.
13. Love is a risk worth taking.
14. Forgiveness is for you. You will forgive when you’re ready and it can take a long time to happen.
15. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to. It does us no good to remain in a relationship that is unhealthy and dead.
16. Divorce doesn’t mean you’re a bad Christian or have failed.
17. We will attract those who are on our level of emotional health. Keep in mind we attract certain folks for a reason. If you don’t like the people you end up with you need to work on YOU.
18. We all have a role in the breakdown of any relationship.
19. Infidelity hurts like hell but if you’re open to learning from it you’ll come out a stronger, wiser person.
20. It’s easy to remain a victim but it takes strength to take responsibility for how your life will be. Don’t give that power to another person.
21. Our spouses will fail us at some point but God is faithful always.”
I urge you to read these words with an open mind, as they are straight from the mouth of someone who has lived through and survived the nightmare of infidelity.
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