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Chat Transcript of the Q & A
Glad you are here. Feel free to add your questions or comments.
Bridgette (to All):
Bridgette (to All):
yes
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
yes
Chris (to All):
Chris (to All):
yes
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
yes! hi, Dr H – Mary checking in. h
Simon (to All):
Simon (to All):
yes
John (to All):
John (to All):
yes
Bonnie (to All):
Bonnie (to All):
hi from Bonnie
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
Spouse is NOT communicating about affair (now year 2) but he is home more, and doing tasks he enjoys around the house. I see this as a good sign, perhaps affair is waning? however, he is still increasingly critical and verbally abusive. I am staying “neutral” hoping this too shall pass!
Chris (to All):
Chris (to All):
what should you do if you really feel that your spouse is not following their heart by choosing their affair parter and staying with you because it’s the right thing to do?
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
my wife has told me that I do not deserve to have sex with her. that I’ve crossed lines with her sexually. I cheated on her. now she is cheating on me.
Mike B (to All):
Mike B (to All):
What if your wife is showing signs of styles of affairs #4 and #6
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
I am wondering what I should do?
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
I appreciate the advice!
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
and are there any exercises I can do in order to control all the negative self-talk that then makes me want to lash out verbally at my wife?
Chris (to All):
Chris (to All):
yes
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
what I mean is that all the fear of losing my wife, all the jealousy of thinking about the other man/men has a way of taking control of everything else I can think about.
bill (to All):
bill (to All):
wife & i r separated 2 1/2 months, former coworker was emotional affair partner. he has since taken another job. since then wife has been much more agreeable, initiating contact, offering help in many ways but still firm on wanting divorce if pressed. her actions r definitely pointing in a different direction last few weeks….I’m tiring of it all, but feel a breakthru might be near w/patience… how much more patience is the question since we r very much in a delicate position right now. any suggestions?
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
that is accurate
Chris (to All):
Chris (to All):
listen to their reasoning
Bridgette (to All):
Bridgette (to All):
??
Chris (to All):
Chris (to All):
empathy
Chris (to All):
Chris (to All):
two wrongs don’t make a right
Mary (to All):
Mary (to All):
revenge affair sounds destructive
bill (to All):
bill (to All):
listen and validate if she’s willing to talk
Laura (to All):
Laura (to All):
some of my husbands justifications were revenge but not because I had an affair but because of resentments he stored up and held against me
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
I’d say there is more to it than that but there is definitely an element of revenge.
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
those in glass houses shouldnt throw stones But revenge affairs are NEVER the answer.
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
thank you doctor
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
her first affair was with one of my friends so defI’m Neely revenge
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
definitely
bill (to All):
bill (to All):
yes, thank u!
Ron (to All):
Ron (to All):
your comments to everyone else also help me in my thinking. thank you.
Laura (to All):
Laura (to All):
sounds like it..he is like a clam
Laura (to All):
Laura (to All):
soft on he outside will cut off his nose despite his face
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
great comments on resentment thank you
Elena (to All):
Elena (to All):
I discovered my husband’s emotional affair on June 26th. Devastated, I asked him to leave. He has since moved in with his affair partner and I am sure his affair in now physical. He has sat down with me, had a discussion and told me he loves me but no longer in love with me. He is confused, felt a disconnect for a while due to me not being as affectioate as I used to be but asked that I not seek a divorce yet and give him time to think. It has been 3 months and I cannot take it anymore. What should i do?
Chris (to All):
Chris (to All):
yes I feel that way about my husbands affair too. so much resentment toward me
Elena (to All):
Elena (to All):
children…
tami (to All):
tami (to All):
thanks again Dr. Bob
Bridgette (to All):
Bridgette (to All):
ty
bill (to All):
bill (to All):
thanks
Chris (to All):
Chris (to All):
ty
Laura (to All):
Laura (to All):
thank u
