She Dropped Him Like a Hot Potato and… Way to Go Vickie!
www.saveamarriageforever.com
www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
The first section below is input from a person who confronted the other person. I’m studying and researching the question of confronting the other person.
As you read these scenarios, take plenty of time to evaluate your situation. Remember… what you do, what you say must be based on the kind of affair facing you. What works for one affair may be disaster for another. Be smart. Don’t jump on the first suggestion that sounds good.
Should you confront the other person?
Good idea? Bad idea?
Check this one out and my comments following:
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
Purpose to get her to stop all contact with my husband and refuse his phone calls and emails. She was Chinese, half his age and he saw her on business trips to Asia (which he extended) and spoke to her almost every day over the internet. I found out they met in foreign cities when she was supposed to be on business for her company. I also found out that she told him she could never tell her father about him. I called her (got her phone number from his phone log) and told her that if she had any further contact with him I would call her boss and tell him that when he thought she was on business for him she was really meeting a western, married man twice her age(I found out the name of her company and the head of it) and that I would tell her father, too (this I could not do in reality). I DID NOT TELL MY HUSBAND THAT I DID THIS
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
She dropped him like a hot potato. I know he kept trying to contact her for awhile and finally gave up.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
I would have done it sooner. I learned not to be passive, afraid or intimidated; to act strong and forceful even when you are scared inside, to project an image of confidence.
Coach’s comment:
I suspect that he was engaged in an “I Don’t want to Say No” affair. The two of them (he and the other person) had, it appears, a relationship that would always maintain its emotional distance. Was he a player? Was she a player? Probably. This was a shrewd move on the spouse’s part to contact the other person.
Why? She knew that the other person feared what her father (authority figure) would think/do. And, of course this meant she might be petrified of her boss’s response.
I would be concerned that he might find another “emotionally distant” person to hook up with.
But, isn’t it good that the wife discovered some of her strength and power? I wonder what would happen if she told her husband exactly what she did and implied, “You better watch out. I’m not putting up with any more crap from you!”
——————————————
Way to Go Vickie!
How do you effectively confront a cheating husband – so you get his attention and maintain your integrity and pride?
That’s what I attempt to teach in my e-book, Break Free From the Affair.
Easier said than done, obviously. But some really get it.
Vickie sent this note. I want to share it with you.
See? It can be done. And it is powerful!
Here’s Vickie:
What I did to “hold my head up” to myself and in front of the kids, was to say to my cheating spouse, “You are hurting me, so compensate by doing something to make me feel better. You can continue live at home if you spend the money you would have spent on rent on five special trips for me – one with each child. Also, my mood can change at any time and I may abruptly ask you to go to the downstairs room or I may leave to go work out.” He gladly agreed. Having been pursuing women for two years – but only recently finding the right one to have sex with, he has finally put an ending date of nine months for his “needed” activities. If there weren’t an ending date that I really believe in, I couldn’t make this deal work.
The foregoing just let’s me hold up my head during his current activities, but after he is finished, he still owes me for having put tears, disturbed sleep, and strain into our family life. He is open to anything I suggest.
From,
Vickie
PS: I have gathered so much knowledge and comfort from your web offerings (frequently in the middle of the night) as well as your book, the relevant parts of which I have started to read to my “proving desirability” husband.
You may put my story on your blog — with pride!
How in the world will my partner and I restore the trust back into our relationship? I recommend another resource to help you cope with infidelity.
One of my online colleagues, Dr. Frank Gunzburg, offers a wealth
of information that compliments Break Free From the Affair.
Dr. Gunzburg has done an amazing job of breaking down all
the steps that both the injured, the cheater and then the
couple need to go through if they want to heal their relationship.
He’s got 3 specific phases that he encourages his readers to go
through and you can start the program even if your spouse isn’t
willing.
You can read about Frank’s great material by using this link:
Please click for Frank’s great material
How to Subscribe to my Blog – Don’t Miss Out – New Material Coming Hey, I’m developing new materials (videos, articles, etc) and am posting them on my blog. Some will NOT appear in this Newsletter.
Here’ a new video I’m adding: “Affair Pain: Healing and surviving Your Infidelity Pain and Hurt”and an article by Jeryl Swantack: “The Affair – An Opportunity of a Lifetime”Stay on top of these new insights and offerings. By signing up for my blog you are AUTOMATICALLY sent the new material, directly to your email box!I have become aware that many of you might not know how to subscribe to my Infidelity Help Blog. Following are the instructions:
1. Go to www.infidelity-help.com.
2. In the right column under “Subscribe Today” where it says:
“Receive an email notification whenever a new post is added by entering your email below.”
Type in your email address and click the “Go” button.
3. It will take you to a window where you have to verify you are a real person by entering a code and clicking “Complete Subscription Request.”
4. Close the window and log into your email account. You will have received an email from confirmations@emailenfuego
That’s all there is to it.
By subscribing, you will receive notification every time I post to my blog. These posts contain a plethora of added information and content you won’t find in my newsletter. So, sign up for my blog…and don’t miss out on anything.
