After posting that first article regarding the key infidelity question you have to ask and answer post infidelity, I got so much response and reactions from you readers that I felt compelled to follow up.

If you haven’t seen and read the article, you can see it here.

From the thousands of people that I’ve worked with who are going through infidelity crises and suffering from the pain of betrayal and heartache that it caused them, I’ve noticed that there is one underlying infidelity question that almost everyone asked. And after working with them constantly, helping them reflect on and re-evaluate their relationships and their lives, and guiding them towards healing the pain they felt, they eventually realized what that question was and answered it.

In my first blog regarding this topic, I did not say what that infidelity question was. I did not give any hints as to what it could be. Which is exactly why I’ve been bombarded with “What is the question?!” emails.

But I am not very keen on just telling you what that infidelity question is and giving you a short cut in the healing process of dealing with infidelity. Here are a few reasons why:

First of all, when I first talked about the infidelity question that will help you deal with your partner’s infidelity and heal your pain, it wasn’t very long before you gave up all the progress you’ve made for the hope of a quick fix. By accepting that I will be able to heal your pain, you’ve given me power over you, which is something that I don’t want you to do at all.

This is exactly what happens when infidelity becomes discovered. More often than not, the discovery leaves the victim of infidelity feeling powerless and weak. He or she, unknowingly, hands over the power to the cheating spouse and the other person.

When you stop acting on your own and just react to everything your cheating spouse is doing or saying, you are handing over power. By allowing yourself to be a victim and letting yourself feel helpless over your partner’s infidelity, you are handing over power. Don’t hand over control to someone else, especially to someone who does not know what he or she wants. So don’t hand me your power by depending on me to give you the infidelity question. Claim your power.

Second, if I told you what the infidelity question was, you probably would not believe it. And it would most likely lose its effect to your progress in healing yourself because you expect it to be something extremely profound when it is actually fairly obvious.

You might also not realize how important this infidelity question really is. Right now, you’re probably only asking what it is because you’re curious as to what that one thing is that could help you move forward from your partner’s infidelity and everything it caused in your life. But I don’t want you to belittle this question.

And lastly, the discovery of the infidelity question should not come from anywhere other than within yourself. You will be able to do this through your reflections while going through the healing process. You can’t jump to the end without going through the entire race because finishing won’t feel as good if you do. But I will be here guiding you towards the right direction, so you don’t have to worry about missing a turn that leads to the question.

Typically, it takes about 2-4 years for someone to really move forward after infidelity, especially if they are doing it on their own, and I tell my clients and readers this all the time. But with my help, I can cut the healing process down to around 6-18 months by providing you with the proper resources and tools that you will need. You can apply for the Infidelity Insider Membership to find out more about the program.

Whenever you are losing hope about healing from all these things that infidelity caused, remind yourself that you are not alone in this, and that there have been plenty of people who have gone through the same thing you are going through and survived. Those people include me. And I am telling you that when the time comes that you discover what that infidelity question is, you will feel relieved beyond measure and all the pain you are feeling and holding inside you will finally be easy to let go of.

So how do you know what the question is? How do you know if you’re close to experiencing it? Or if you already have experienced it? Here is a conversation I had with a client who is very close to discovering the question:

Does it matter what any of the answers to my questions are? Once I know all the answers — what’s the question I ultimately want to answer?

Can I forgive him no matter what all they did (whether I know or not)? –

if I can then…

Will I ever be at peace knowing it’l never happen again? –

if no then…

Can I continue living on in a situation knowing I may never be at peace to ever trust you again?

if no then…

If I can’t trust you to love me with respect as I ought to be loved, who can I trust?

if there’s no one I can trust then…

What is wrong with me that I don’t deserve to be loved as others successfully love each other?

if there’s something wrong with me then…

How was the affair my fault?

if the affair was my fault, yet he didn’t even tell me what I was “driving him to do” then …

Why should I try at all?

if it’s my fault regardless of what he’s done then…

Why should I even try to do what I ought to?

if it’s not my fault then…

What should I do?

What’s the right thing to do?

What’s it worth my life to be doing?

How do I have peace that I know what reality is and that I can trust my own judgement?

Do I need to know what reality is to have peace and trust my own judgment?

If what’s best for me is the right thing to do — how do I know what’s best for me?

If what’s best for me isn’t the best thing to do (thus not the right thing to do)– how do I know?

Spend some time going over this and think of how it made you feel, what parts of you did it affect the most and what you thought of it. Do you think you know what the infidelity question is?

If not, take a breath and think of the one thing you are asking yourself right at this moment. That may very well be the infidelity question.