After a Divorce: Rebuilding After A Breakup or Divorce
By Michele Germain, LCSW
The body holds the wisdom of your deepest self. It is where the life energy flows and where you feel the joy and pleasure of your life as well as your sorrows, disappointments and losses that have occurred. It is also where you feel the grace that comes from your connection to your spiritual essence. Your connection with your body is where you will feel your feelings. It also holds the wisdom to navigate and help you to rebuild your new life.
Any kind of crisis can affect every aspect of your life, especially if this crisis is caused by divorce of a break-up. This includes your emotional, intellectual and spiritual identity; as well as your family, friendships, financial, social and physical health. Every aspect of your life will be hit after a divorce. It causes more life changes and losses, than any other event impacting both your internal and external world.
Your feelings are your internal world; your feelings can range from doubt and ambivalence to anger or relief. To bring back a sense of structure and to feel grounded again in your life after a divorce, there is two distinct types of work; the inner work and outer work. When you walk through this process called divorce/breakup you must not jump out of your body, but feel your feet on the ground and stay dropped in your body as your go about dealing with all the losses and changes
The inner work is about understanding and expressing your feelings and can be compared to untangling the knots and tension in your body. Going into your body and naming the feelings that are there is the inner work. The outer work is creating your new life as a single person and single parent. This may include finding a new home, establishing new friendship and creating new rituals as your plant more seeds in your garden to bloom.
There are tools you need to move forward after a divorce as you stay in touch with your body. They are honesty, courage, faith and self-love. This allows the body to stay open and to guide you through these changes. Your body will help you to navigate your new life.
Honesty is being open with your feelings and being able to share your inner world with others. This will permit you to give your children the space they need to express their feelings so they do not hide what is going on inside of them. Just naming the feeling is important. Healing after a divorce occurs as you do this.
Courage means in the midst of change and uncertainty you move forward, step by step, hour by hour as you approach each new task the best way you can, not requiring perfections.
Faith is believing you will recover after a divorce. Everything you need to be happy is inside. It enables you to give your children the message that they are loved and lovable and they will be fine.
Self Love is the ability to be patient, compassionate, understanding and non-judgmental with yourself and your children even when you do not feel good enough and the road gets bumpy after a divorce. Self love will also untangling the knots and tensions in your body, that may occur as a result of all this change.
Carry your tools with you everywhere you go. Honesty, courage, faith and self-love will grow and never fail you after a divorce. As you untangle the knots and tensions in your body you will feel your inner strength and your spiritual essence. Your deepest sorrows and most difficult challenges can unfold into your greatest accomplishments.
Michele Germain, author of The Jill Principle, (Llewellyn Worldwide, 2006) has a master’s degree in Social Work, licensed as a Clinical Social Work, and is an expert in the mind/body connection. She offers relationship coaching on issues that may occur at different stages of relationships and offers divorce coaching. She has appeared on radio, cable television and in print media; and has lectured aboard major cruise lines. For more information and help on how to heal yourself after a divorce, visit www.michelegermain.com
