Emotional Infidelity Signs: Uncensored, Real-time Signs – When S/he KNEW S/he Caught them

By Dr. Robert Huizenga

In my recent research on emotional affairs (type #4: “I Fell out of Love…and just love being in love”) I asked the question in a survey: “When did you first notice the emotional infidelity signs? What were the signs?”

Here are just a few of emotional infidelity signs given by the respondents:

1. She spent more time with him than with our family.

2. He was very cold and unresponsive. acting very quietly. secretive phone calls. He didn’t want to be seen with his family in public, didn’t want to participate in family parties and gatherings, very aggressive towards me and my mother, coming home late at night, refusing to have family dinner with us, wanted to eat out and alone all the time.

3. He started coming home late at night…

4. Almost immediately, there was distance, anger, not communicating well, uncaring, etc…

5. He traveled to the town on Saturday instead of Sunday for work.

6. Staying out late. Caught him the first night they kissed.

7. It took me 4 weeks to figure it out! Not coming home for dinner, not calling me during the day.

8. I looked up the records for the first time and saw the most telling of emotional infidelity signs — over 600 text messages and calls between them in one month and they hadn’t not talked for only 4 days in 3 months. I confronted her and she said they were best friends. Later I intercepted two incredibly intimate e-mails, then I put a GPS on her car and saw they were going to motels almost every week.

9. I knew they were calling each other and having a private relationship over the telephone and email. She sent him two c.d.’s with love songs that I found.

10. I was told he was seen with this woman in a restaurant in another town.

11. He began spending more time at work, and less time at home.

12. The emotional infidelity signs were pretty obvious even if I tried to ignore them at the time. It started out as constant text messaging. She then started hiding in the basement to make phone calls. I then decided to check up on her by reading her messages on her phone and that more than confirmed my suspicion.

13. In October of 2007, my wife became engrossed in the “IJ” summit and seemed to put everything else on the back burner.

14. I didn’t notice anything as I was preoccupied with the new baby. He told me he was leaving. Looking back he was lying about where he was.

15. She was very flirtatious with him for a very long time, it was obvious she had a “crush” on him — I looked the other way thinking it was innocent. She was married, and wasn’t his type.

16. They were friends for several years. More recently he had started taking her to lunch frequently.

17. I began to notice it in the emails and from the phone calls. He became to be distant, cold and find faults with me.

18. I noticed the emotional infidelity signs when we were on holiday as a family in Finland and went for a walk together and he literally disappeared for 2 hours! We nearly sent out a search party as we thought he might have fallen or drowned. When he suddenly turned up he looked strange and when we vented our anger as he reacted as if nothing had happenend he got angry with us and said we exagerated. He acted very unusual as if he was on another planet.

19. He encouraged me to spend more and more time at our Florida house so I could spend more time with our grandchildren. That way he had more free time to pursue her without me around. He received calls from her at strange times when he was visiting me in Florida. The most obvious of his emotional infidelity signs was when he really did not seem happy when I would plan to return to our home in Ohio.