Infidelity and Trust in Marriage: How to Make it Work

When you find out that your spouse is cheating on you, the number question that you would most likely ask is if it is possible for to ever trust him or her, or anyone for that matter, ever again.

You always question whether or not it’s still possible to go back to the way things used to be, to the way the relationship was even after infidelity and trust is broken. Or will you forever doubt your spouse or anyone who shows interest in you in a romantic way, and be cautious about trusting them.

A very hard decision to make when it comes to marriages or relationships tainted by infidelity and trust is broken is whether to stay in it and try to make things work, or to get away from it and heal yourself away from the person who hurt you. Before making this decision, there are plenty of factors to consider and plenty of personal issues that you need to take care of in yourself.

First you need to understand and figure out what it is that you want for yourself – what you want to happen, what you want to achieve, where you want to see yourself in the future. When you think of what it is that you dream of having in your life, where is it and who is standing beside you?

Also, think of the things that you would need from your partner for to be able to forgive him or her. Is it even possible for you to forgive? What circumstances would lead you to reconciliation? What changes do you need to see in your partner, as well as in yourself, before you can really tell if you’ll be able to forgive him or her? What does it mean for you to experience infidelity and trust again despite it?

Figure out what the answers are to these questions and reflect on yourself, your relationship and your life. Try to be as specific as possible regarding these things, especially the different commitments you need from your partner. Once you’ve figured things out, communicate with him or her what these needs are. And if you decide to stay and fix the marriage after infidelity and trust again, then both of you need to make a conscious commitment and effort in making sure that it does work

As much as you need to focus on healing yourself and your relationship, don’t forget to keep track of the different things that are going on around you as well. There are a lot of couples who, while trying to save their marriage after infidelity and trust is already broken, experience a relapse where the cheating partner does it again. And it’s important that you prevent this from happening ever again. One betrayal is enough, and maybe you could forgive it, but what about another one? It’s best that you don’t find out, and the best way you could do this is by being aware of your partner’s activities and being vigilant of everything that is happening.

Create limits and boundaries on the things that you can and cannot tolerate regarding infidelity and trust, and stick to these limits.