How to Use Charging Neutral in a Non-reactive Mode

This Newsletter focuses on charging neutral as a skill that places you in a non reactive mode. Such a mode gives tremendous leverage in stopping the affair and saving the marriage, if that is what one chooses.

---

Refuse to React

Charging neutral is all about your emotions.

• What are they?
• How do you express them?
• Where do you feel them?
• When do you begin to feel them?
• What do you do when you begin to feel them?
• What are the thoughts that accompany the feelings?
• What do you do with those thoughts?
• Is there another part of you that stands backs and knows your feelings are emerging?
• Can that part take action?

Aware of your emotional energy is vital in managing your feelings and when coping with infidelity.

Charging neutral is managing your emotions. Here’s an example:

1. Tell me your story. How have you used “Charging Neutral” and tell me exactly what happened?

I never knew that what I was doing was “charging neutral”. Thank you for putting a name to it and (very important) giving me more information about this. I never would have dreamed the implications of this behavior without your input.

Every time I read about this technique in your newsletters I am more and more empowered. My husband abandoned his affair a few months ago. The OP took a job 1000 km’s away. I think that this happened because I refused to react to their relationship. At the time she took the other job, the affair was already waning, but I think my calm stance (due to your ongoing advice, thank you) made her give up.

There were many times I felt like confronting her or him, giving the affair my full-blown attention and all the emotional energy that goes along with a confrontation like that. Your emails stopped me. Thank you. It worked. My children were spared all the drama and upset. I was spared the sordidness of a fruitless confrontation. I know that I might have to face this at some other time, but charging neutral will help me through it again.

This article is posted in my blog. Please visit the article and leave a comment.

---

S/he Just Can’t Say No – the Theme of Addiction”I Can’t Say No” is Affair #2 outlined in Break Free From the Affair.

This type of affair has much to do with the theme of addiction in a person’s life. Now, this addiction may focus exclusively upon sex – porn, internet chat rooms, strip clubs, phone sex, one-night-stands, and other formats in which the sexual release becomes an addiction.

This addiction often (I’m not sure of the statistics, but I bet they are high) is closely associated with other addictions, frequently drug (street – over the counter) and alcohol abuse.

And, it’s terribly difficult to determine where one form of addiction begins and the other ends. They often are closely related. The person begins to lose control of his/her life in a downward spiral. The object of addiction becomes more paramount and the destruction around him/her more painful and insidious.

If you suspect the theme of addiction might characterize your relationship, please consider this resource – How Can I Get Them Sober?” by Beverly Buncher, MA.

Beverly is a Recovery Coach and a former Private School Principal, who, in her personal and professional life, has confronted and helped others confront the challenges that addiction and recovery bring, using the model of the 12 step programs as a guide for the work she does.

I’ve worked with Beverly, who has a great capacity to address this insidious problem very effectively.

“How Can I Get Them Sober?” organizes the skills and processes of confronting most powerfully the person who “can’t say no.”

Beverly writes much like I do – direct, to the point, no fluff. This ebook is a basic outline of:
• what you can do and say to increase your addict’s chances of getting well
• the roadblocks along the way
• how to keep yourself on the healing track no matter what choices the addict makes.

Get the E-book now!
Beverly would also like to hear from you if you have questions or concerns. (Now, how many authors – besides me! – offer that benefit!)

As always, there is a 60 day guarantee. If it doesn’t speak to you, you get a full refund.

---

The Jill Principle The Jill Principle: A Woman’s Guide to Healing your Spirit after Divorce or Break-up” is the only book aimed at women to address the body, mind and spiritual aspect of healing that is needed after a divorce or significant break-up. The Jill Principle is the product of the author’s own personal journey and those of all women she has had the honor to counsel in her long career as a professional psychotherapist. It includes techniques, personal stories, guided meditations and bioenergetic exercises that readers can practice to develop a healthy connection with their body.

It validates the grief and teaches readers in a step by step manner how to work through their pain, integrate their lives, and emerge spiritually empowered and emotionally healed. The theme moves the reader from feeling like the victim to feeling triumph over her crisis. The stories of many other women who have tumbled and have found their way to the top of the hill will inspire, educate and help women see how the process looks and provides assurance that she is not going crazy, or being punished: but that her pain has a purpose. She will emerge with a deeper connection with her body, an awareness of her feelings, a clear mind and will discover her soul. She will discover the lessons and know what to do differently to have a healthy relationship bond. She will find the gift in the fall and emerge with more of herself not less as she arrives at the top of the hill.

MicheleGermain.com

“The Jill Principle: Woman’s Guide to Healing your Spirit after Divorce or Breakup
Llewellyn Worldwide Publisher
Author: Michele Germain, L.C.S.W