Why is he with a Drama Queen, and What’s Left for Amanda?

This is a Live taped coaching session of Dr. Huizenga interviewing Amanda.

You will learn:

• about the distance/intimacy dance of “I want to be close to someone but can’t stand intimacy”

Here is Amanda’s summary of her situation:

Good marriage – thought things were great – lots of affections – trying for kid #2.

We had some financial concerns and time management – both issues we always avoided – never argued. I am a stay-at-home mom – and offered to go back to work part time in August to help with money. Husband seemed mildly frustrated by the suggestion as we both had desired for me to stay at home until son went to school or I could home school (teacher by profession) . Fall seemed stressed – he began taking online classes and trying to get side jobs. He didn’t finish the classes or online classes and a female within his company always showed up at his work location. When I asked I got “we’re just friends” – For the past 3 years – they were Not friends – my husband called her a liar and dishonest and genuinely DID NOT like her.

When I reminded him of those characteristics he stated about her – he said – she’s changed – she’s more mature. People at their work started telling me about them going to lunch and him going to her location. In NOV – he told me he didn’t love me anymore, he said his parents were stuck in a loveless relationship and he didn’t want to be, he said he couldn’t love me like I deserve to be loved.

He said he need a few days a way t o think. I helped him get his stuff together. Later I find out – phone records – he called her and talked fro 40 minutes upon leaving me – he lied about where he went – I found out it was a friend of hers – where she moved in two weeks later. The other friend moved out – so my husband and this female have lived together for months. he still says just friends – bought her roses, expensive christmas present. Takes her to meals, sports events, all days off are scheduled together. phone records show they still talk 6-12 times a day – even living together. she’s 10 years younger – and tells her employees she’s married and has kids – both mine i guess? he filed for a divorce in Feb and has said he will not pay anymore bills – we are waiting for mediation to be scheduled. I still love my husband – it is clear he has changed – he will admit that – I have read the book – any help would be appreciated.

Which affair do you think it is, anything not in the book I can do?

Here’s a partial coaching review by Dr. Huizenga of a taped Laser Coaching Session with Amanda:

Amanda describes portions of affair #7:”I want to be close to someone, but can’t stand intimacy.”

Please note there are elements of “My Marriage Made me Do It” but, for now, we will focus on affair #7.

The major problem or roadblock for Amanda, who wants to save her marriage, is the fact that her husband seems to be well entrenched with the other person and tells Amanda directly that he wants a divorce. 6 months ago Amanda probably would have a better chance of turning things around.

Another consideration is age. Amanda is 35, her husband 30 and the OP 20. Affair #7, “I want to be close to someone, but can’t stand intimacy,” usually rears it’s head later in a marriage. The “distance/intimacy dance” as I call it in Break Free From the Affair usually has a long and persistent history in a marriage.

In a “younger” marriage or relationship, disintegration often seems to be more rapid once it starts. Perhaps the memories or sense of investment haven’t taken root as firmly. Whatever the reason, transition and change appear to occur more rapidly.Some observations of the coaching session with Amanda:

1. Amanda describes a common complaint of Affair #7. ” We never fought or argued. I thought we had a good thing going.” But, at the same time, she felt stuck, as if there was a wall the two of them could never get over, around or work their way through. Stagnation.

To read the remainder of the workbook and hear the tape with Amanda as well as the other tapes, study this box and click below to order.

19 Live Infidelity Coaching Sessions
with Dr. Huizenga – The Infidelity coach

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