How Do I Compete with a 29 Year Old Blond Bombshell?

Fiona faces this question. She’s not 29. She’s not blond. She’s not a Bombshell.

What does she do? What does she do with her feelings of failing in this competitive sphere?

Fiona recounts her 2 year story of facing this issue with her cheating husband.

This is part of Dr. Huizenga’s live Laser Coaching Series.

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www.saveamarriageforever.com
www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
www.infidelity-help.com

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This is Fiona’s story. It is contained in one of my Laser Coaching Sessions. I will give you a link to the audio tape at the end of this article.

I have been married to my best friend for 9 years (anniversary next week actually) and I recently found out he’d been having an affair with a woman he works with. I’ve known something was wrong for the last 6 months because he was treating me badly – unheard of for him.

For the last 2 years he has gone off sex in a big way but I put that down to pressures at work, then around October last year he started being dismissive of me, criticizing everything I did, allowing his mother to run me down and undermine my authority with our 4 year old daughter. Time and time again I begged him to tell me what was wrong – even going so far as to say “if you’re attracted to someone just tell me and we can work through it together” but he swore there was no-one else and he was just “going through a rough patch”.

Over Xmas he was so distant, not joining in with me and our child, not taking a single photo – unheard of for him as he’s always snapping away with the camera. Then he disappeared for 10 minutes while shopping at the sales but had no explanation of where he’d been.

Then in mid January I looked on his mobile phone, telling myself that I was mad to imagine something was going on and this would prove it to me. I was wrong. There was her latest message, saying how much she would miss him over Xmas, how she wanted him to “get in touch when u can” and appreciating “how difficult it is” for him. My world stopped, I nearly threw up.

Then I confronted him and he denied all knowledge – “she’s just a friend” and even “she’s a lesbian going through a rough patch with her partner and I empathized and we’ve been texting each other as we’re going through the same thing”.

The next day I called her and told her that I knew all about their relationship and it had to stop because there was a small child involved, it wasn’t just him and her. She was silent then said “but we’re not having an affair”. I told her to stay away from my family and hung up.

It took him 2 days of watching me cry and fall apart before he admitted he’d been meeting up with her, texting her, sending her cards saying how her man was so lucky to have her (having now dropped the lesbian theory), but he knew it was me he wanted and it wasn’t an affair because they hadn’t had sex. He called a therapist I’d found two weeks previously on the internet (thinking we could get help with the lack of sex issue) and we started counseling.

That was 3 months ago and I’ve now said I’m not going to counseling any more because it’s all about how I’m somehow to blame for this – in the therapists words “if he was happy at home he wouldn’t have gone looking”. This is undermining the last scrap of confidence I have left and I can’t dare go any lower or I’m afraid I’ll disappear completely.

At first he was really cold about it and kept telling me things like “look, I’ve said it’s over, you’re not helping by starting every day crying, you have to get past it if we have any chance”. Then a few weeks ago I decided I couldn’t;t take it and asked him to leave. He changed completely, broke down crying and begged me to forgive him and give our marriage another try. He seems genuine but why did it take so long to show it?

How can I believe him when he looked me straight in the eye for months on end and said there was no-one else when all the time he’s running off to meet her behind my back?

Every day is a struggle and everyone around me thinks I should have got over it by now but I just cant get past it. I’m attractive, mid thirties, slim, run my own business – to many I may look like a real catch, but I look at him and all I see in his eyes is this ugly old woman. His mistress was younger, blond, everyone at his work fancies her he tells me. I’m dying and cry every single day about this. If it wasn’t for my daughter I’d have probably done something drastic to myself by now and being a Christian that upsets me enormously.

I desperately need some help to get past this – how can I ever put this behind me? Is my marriage worth going through all this when he could just do this to me all over again? I wouldn’t get through this twice, I don’t think I’m getting through it once. Please help, I don’t mind if you use my real name.

Click here to go online, scroll down and listen to the tape.