Surviving Infidelity Series: I’m a Survivor and I WILL Conquer Infidelity

Here is an inspiring story of a woman who, after 30 years of marriage, found out her husband was involved in an extramarital affair with a mutual friend. After reading articles, books and going to counseling, their marriage is stronger than ever. Although she still struggles with intense feelings from time to time, her belief is that she will eventually move beyond the pain of the affair and conquer her negative feelings.

I am a survivor! It has been almost a year since I found out about the other woman, who had been a close friend (so I thought), by finding a card from her stated to “her lover and her friend”. I had been married for 30 years, and while I know we had drifted apart somewhat, this came as a complete and utter devastating blow. My world fell apart. My world before was the one where I would always brag, that we had such stable happy families with no divorces and no drama. I am well known in my community, and along with the crushing hurt, came the embarrassment that I had never thought I would experience. I continued going to work and found my support within my colleagues, as our friends were also “her friends” and did not want to get caught in the middle. I found this website and took the Drs. advice about trying to charge neutral and calm when you feel like screaming your face off. I searched feverishly for books and articles to identify and somehow normalize what I was going through. I went to a marital counselor who told me that I had to praise my husband for any effort he was putting into the relationship. I thought she was crazy at first, but then guess what- it worked. Before, I would have been critical and forever reminding him of what he had done. One thing that had kept me somewhat hopeful was the fact that my husband had broken off the extramarital affair a couple of months previously and that when I found out, he came clean to our whole family and is, what I believe, truly remorseful. Now at this time, I can honestly say that this was the best, worst thing that ever happened to us. We are closer than ever and now talk about things. I found, while he did not blame me in any way, that I still had to take a good hard look at myself and ask what I could do to improve me, and what responsibility did I have in the breakdown of the relationship. It is too hard to blame the other party and not take some responsibility for ourselves. I obviously still have times, where the pain is very fresh and the nightmares are bad. She still works with my husband, which is hard, but I feel it does not matter if she did or not, if they wanted to get together again, they would. I do not believe that will happen however. Things are much different around here now and I don’t push my husband away anymore. While we are doing great, I struggle with my intense anger and hatred for the other woman, but maybe next year, I will conquer those feelings too!

More Surviving Infidelity Stories and Comments

Keeping Yourself Occupied After the Horrifying Discovery of the Affair

The Grass Isn’t Always Greener for the Cheating Spouse…Maybe Just Painted

Adultery and Journaling to Deal with the Pain

Recovering from an Affair and Waiting

Cheating Spouse = Depression, Anger and Grief