Overcoming Infidelity: Give Another chance?
Most want to make sure that any decision made in overcoming infidelity is the correct decision. And, that is the appropriate strategy.
The decisions one makes when overcoming infidelity will impact a lifetime. A common question: Do I give him/her another chance, if they seem to want a second chance? This dilemma is addressed by the first person’s comments below as she describes her attempts at coping with infidelity.
The second scenario come from the words of a person who describes a number of factors that helped her overcome the infidelity. Again, overcoming infidelity, for her, meant “another chance.”
“I felt my heart broken literally in many pieces. I screamed at him, beat him and yelled all possible bad words. But that did not help. Then I took some time alone and I found inside myself that I still need and love that person. I decided to give another chance and I gave him opportunity to come clean. After I imagined a box and put all that stuff in it and closed it. I told him that in order to forgive and construct new phase of the relationship I had to know everything in details. However my beloved did not say the whole truth at that time and hid something important. Of course I found out about it and changed my mind. I don’t need such a liar, who can not acknowledge his mistakes. Now I am breaking up with him. Whenever I talk about me leaving he becomes hysterical with suicidal notes. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I gave a chance to tell me the truth. And every time I had to find out about cheating by myself. I have many wounds and every time its a new one because he does not say the truth. He is a coward! We are not married but stayed 6 years together.”
“When I found out, I could not eat, hold in food, lost 15 lbs in two weeks & cried for 4 hours straight & could not function at work, taking care of kids etc. I wanted to lay in bed all day, but my very supportive family forced me to go on. My parents took my kids for a few days, so I could get my house organized. My grandparents slept over for a few days so that they could help me keep a functional routine for my kids (homework, dinner etc). I was back to work within three days of finding out. Although I had to leave early due to being “sick,” this type of forceful functionality helped me move through a bulldozer type of incident that occurred to my life. My friends took me out & invited me to comedies, parties etc. Everyone that supported me wanted me to move through the pain. They accepted my depression, & repetitious venting & believe it or not this made me feel good. The weight loss, a new hair style & new clothes helped me feel different & more attractive. I joined facebook & reconnected with many old male & female friends & I feel important again. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have a flashback of what my husband did to me, but time, friendship & family definitely help the healing process. So stay in touch with friends, keep family close & dress up even when its not necessary, to boost your self esteem. This will help the process. It has been 11 months since the affair & I have a long way to go before the pain subsides, however, I gave my husband a chance & things do look better than they did prior to the affair. I look better than I have in a while & if things don’t work out, I realize that once you have been through the heartbreak & heartache of an affair, you will be much more tolerable & stronger if the current or future relationships don’t work out. You are worth it & don’t ever let your cheater tell you different. Its there fault for weak character flaws not yours!”
More articles on Surviving Infidelity:
How to Cope with Infidelity: The Place of Family and Friends
How to Recover from Infidelity: Trust and Self-Care
The Shock of a Cheating Husband
Survive Infidelity: Accept the Pain and No Self-Blame
Surviving Marital Infidelity: Knowledge is Power
