Surviving Infidelity Series: The Real Truth About their Infidelity

I can not get the memory of the day I found out out of my head, even though in March it will be a year since that day. We had friends over the night before and he had gone to a meeting, then out for drinks with friends. He was supposed to come home to hang out with the friends we had over. I talked to him once earlier in the evening, then every time I tried to call after that he didn’t answer. He didn’t come home until 6am, with a story that he didn’t want to drink and drive and he fell asleep at a friend’s home. Yet, he went right to sleep. He went back to sleep and I checked the call log in his phone, almost every call was to a “Tommy Work”. I had never heard him talk about a Tommy from work. So, I wrote down the number. I needed to get out of the house, so I went for a drive and decided to call the number. There was no answer, just a voice mail with the following recording: “Hi this is Tamara, I can’t come to the phone right now, leave a message”. I was immediately devistated. I went to a friends house to pull up his cel. phone records on line. Between phone calls and texts, they had been talking anywhere from 20 up to 70 times a day. At the time, he was working nights temporarily, so it made it easy for him. But, the worst part was on our weddding anniversary, he had talked to her more than he talked to me. And the lies, then more lies to cover up lies when I confronted him. After putting all the pieces together, I found out it had lasted for a little over 3 weeks. He took her on 3 dates, including the night he spent with her until 6am. He tells me it was never physical, but to this day I just can’t believe that they could be together until 6am and nothing happened. I found out she was also married and had 5 children. I researched and found her home number and address. I called her and left messages calling her every name in the book. I was so angry. But, for whatever reason, I wanted to confront her, hear her side of the story. She refused to speek to me, but finally texted that they were friends and she said she cut it off because she ws developing feelings for him. They’re stories didn’t match, which frusterated me even more. Almost a month later, her husband sent me a message on myspace after finding a nasty message I had sent her and he asked me to email him. I did and told him everything I knew. He said he had suspected something, but couldn’t prove anything and that they had a lot of problems in their relationship. Talking to the other person going through what I was helped a little. My husband and myself have tried to work things out and are still together. I still don’t feel I got the “real” truth from my husband about what happened and I didn’t trust him for a very long time. I still have times where I don’t trust him. I have tried to forgive him, but am still not sure that I have completely. I thought if I knew the truth or the whole story it would somehow make me feel better, but I’m still not sure what that real truth is and I doubt I’ll ever know. The pain has lessened and we have moved on. Her myspace page says divorced now, so I don’t think her relationship made it through this. I still periodically check his phone records and I am very cautious when he goes out and doesn’t check in. But, it has gotten better. I still love him, but he did break my heart. It’s still mending.

More Surviving Infidelity Stories and Comments
Enjoying Life After Infidelity
Understanding is Key
Turning to God to Solve Your Infidelity Crisis
Staying Strong for the Kids
The Shock of Stumbling Upon Infidelity