SURVIVING INFIDELITY: Yes you can! you can make it!!
Many powerful emotions follow the discovery of an affair.
The following person, after discovering her husband was involved in an emotional extramarital affair, beat infidelity by reading, writing, and consistently and positively reaffirming herself.
To be totally honest, when I first got the phone call from the op (other person) I was shocked. I had to wait three hours until my husband came home. Once he did, I confronted him as soon as he sat down. I wasn’t angry at that time. I wanted to hear from him, I wasn’t going to take someone’s word that there was deception in my marriage. Once he told me that he had been spending time with this other person, I was in a limbo. The emotions hit me like a brick wall. I felt hurt,angry, lost, confused and believe it or not, I was trying to figure out what I had done to cause this behavior from him. The first thing I did was cry, and cry, and cry. I didn’t mean to, it was just a natural reaction. I didn’t sleep much that night, or the next few nights. I used my time to get online and do as much research as I could on the subject. Thank God for Dr. Huizenga. I came across his books Break Free From the Affair, and Surviving the Affair. Wow, what an eye opener! I determined after the conversation with my husband and I hate to say it, listening to a voice activated tape recorder I planted in his car, that he was having an emotional affair. He worked with the op which is not an uncommon place for emotional affairs to start, and she was very demanding of his time and wanted to know why he wasn’t having sex with her. That, as painful as it was to hear them making nice talk to each other, was when I realized that he was telling me the truth about the fact that there was an attraction, he liked being with her, he thought he was falling in love with her, he wanted to have sex with her, but there was just something missing and he couldn’t. The more of the book I read, the more powerful I felt. I wrote my feelings, anger, concerns and pain in a journal. I sometimes did it on the couch in front of my husband. When he asked what I was doing, I would just tell him that I was writing in my journal. I followed the suggestions given in the book and now, a year later, things are a lot better. The trust issue is still in the back of my mind, but I have to allow myself to trust again. That isn’t easy, but it is coming. Once he broke it off with her, he started trying to show me that he was with me because he wanted to be and that it would never happen again. By that time, I was strong enough to tell him that was a good thing, because if it did, I wouldn’t be here when he decided that what he was doing didn’t feel right. I still have post it notes on my computer at work and various places throughout the house with “I Will Make It” in big letters written on it. I did make it, and no matter if you decide to stay with the cheating spouse or not, You will too. Before you make that decision, think about it. Think about it long and hard. If you don’t think you could ever forgive and trust again, don’t waste yours or their time. Don’t rush to a decision. I use to be the one that said if he cheats, it is over. That was before I found out that there are different types of affairs. I can live with this, things are getting better every day. We talk more, and are getting closer every day. He still tells me he is sorry when something comes up on tv, or in general conversation that reminds him and he knows it hits a nerve with him or me. I don’t say anything, he sees it in my face. I will be honest, I thought about having a revenge affair. For me, and my feelings on the matter, I talked myself out of it, and I am glad I did. See, if I were to have an affair on him, that doesn’t make me any better, or any more right than he was. I love my husband very much. I know the pain I felt, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, not even the op. It was hard for me to feel sorry for either one of them, they both knew he was a married man. That is why she called me to get things moving. She figured I would throw him out and he would come running to her. I figured that was the reasoning when I got the call, but, that was the last thing I was going to do. I was not going to give her the satisfaction. I am so glad I didn’t. Best of luck to anyone going through this tough time. My best words of advice are; Everyone handles this type of situation differently. Trust the doc, trust his advice, it works. Be strong, and realize, YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! Keep your head up. I know what you are thinking, YES YOU CAN! YOU CAN MAKE IT!
More Surviving Infidelity Stories and Comments
The Power of Knowledge – Books and Spying Device
The Power of Faith and Living in Limbo
Forgiveness, Managing Depression and Investigator Gets the Truth
Refusing Blame and Moving on Forgiving Self
Suviving Infidelity and the Affair While the Bitterness Lingers
